just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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