Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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