What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
