He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
