i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
