Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
