I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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