now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
