I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
