Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
