I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
