She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
