i don't like sucking hair
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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