I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
