You really coming over, don't trick.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
