I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Welp...herpes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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