Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
