I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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