sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
