There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
