highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
