Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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