she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
