You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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