he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
