So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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