So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
