you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
