what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
