the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
