I love black thongs
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
