The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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