coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
