i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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