We're facebook friends in real life
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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