Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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