Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
