She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
