stop calling my apartment porn island.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
