i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Randomize
