well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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