She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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