There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
