"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
