hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You smell like stripper and shame
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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