I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
