Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
