She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
