her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
