I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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