I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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