Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
