If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
