mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
