I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
