my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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