Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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