have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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