When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
